I’m back in the ‘I’m so lost’ mindset. I am dealing with the uncertainty and stress a lot better I think. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not though.
It has been five whole months since I left my dead-end comfort-inducing job doing things I am not passionate about to chase my dreams full-throttle. In this time, even though there have been tiny victories here and there, nothing drastic has happened. In the past month I have gotten more and more used to being cooped up at home under the pretense of studying or e-networking or working on my writing – completely and totally avoiding getting out and meeting physical human beings.
Confidence takes a huge hit when not encouraged and when efforts are not met with positive results as has happened a lot this past few months. Although I know that this is not the way to do it, it is far easier to avoid confronting yourself about your shortcomings and pretending that you’re busy doing all you can on any particular day. Does that make it true? Not even remotely.
You know better than anybody else that you’re shirking responsibility in your life. That you’re running away.
It’s a vicious cycle really. Humans, at least most of us, tend to nurse this big insecurity about ourselves – that we are not good enough. Most of our fears are of failure thanks to this deeply rooted not-good-enough complex.
Me personally, I don’t get out because I don’t want to fail. So I’m not giving myself a chance to fail. It is pathetic really, isn’t it?? The overly logical and rational brain I seem to possess is in denial of the fact that if I don’t even try, I have already failed. Now isn’t that a wonderful thought? 😐
But know what?? I’m done!
I’ve got to start some self-love going. If the world won’t pat my back just yet, I’ll just have to pat my own back. I’m just going to have to push my own self to take the next steps.
I will win, I’m sure of it.
Cheers.
The Reluctant Practitioner 