The place where you are now is vital. Never avoid what you must face. Challenge your circumstances and steadily persevere. The path toward victory opens from where you stand.
– Daisaku Ikeda
Tag Archives: winning
Crisis Alert!
I’m back in the ‘I’m so lost’ mindset. I am dealing with the uncertainty and stress a lot better I think. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not though.
It has been five whole months since I left my dead-end comfort-inducing job doing things I am not passionate about to chase my dreams full-throttle. In this time, even though there have been tiny victories here and there, nothing drastic has happened. In the past month I have gotten more and more used to being cooped up at home under the pretense of studying or e-networking or working on my writing – completely and totally avoiding getting out and meeting physical human beings.
Confidence takes a huge hit when not encouraged and when efforts are not met with positive results as has happened a lot this past few months. Although I know that this is not the way to do it, it is far easier to avoid confronting yourself about your shortcomings and pretending that you’re busy doing all you can on any particular day. Does that make it true? Not even remotely.
You know better than anybody else that you’re shirking responsibility in your life. That you’re running away.
It’s a vicious cycle really. Humans, at least most of us, tend to nurse this big insecurity about ourselves – that we are not good enough. Most of our fears are of failure thanks to this deeply rooted not-good-enough complex.
Me personally, I don’t get out because I don’t want to fail. So I’m not giving myself a chance to fail. It is pathetic really, isn’t it?? The overly logical and rational brain I seem to possess is in denial of the fact that if I don’t even try, I have already failed. Now isn’t that a wonderful thought? 😐
But know what?? I’m done!
I’ve got to start some self-love going. If the world won’t pat my back just yet, I’ll just have to pat my own back. I’m just going to have to push my own self to take the next steps.
I will win, I’m sure of it.
Cheers.
Not taking NO for an answer.
As is the case with most resolutions, I failed.
I fell off the wagon on the ‘posting regularly’ thing and I acknowledge that. There may be reasons, but that isn’t what this is about. You’ll always have reasons or excuses so I won’t go there. So there will be two posts today and one tomorrow and we’ll be back on track from Monday onward.
I have noticed that I judge myself a lot harsher than I do others. For the most part, it makes me work harder but it does impact me negatively.
It was pointed out to me yesterday that I take NO for an answer too easily and that is true. My mind processes reason and logic far more than is acceptable. For instance, I had altered clothes to pick up at a store the past week. I was in the vicinity of the store but had forgotten the slip of paper for said purchase at home. I said to Aditya that I’d come back to the store the next day and pick it up because I did not think they’d give me my stuff without the receipt. Aditya on the other hand, decided he’d go ask them if they could pull up the information and give us the product – and they did. This little thing is indicative of a big shortcoming I have when it comes to making requests.
I understand that this is something I need to work on and overcome or all my conversations would be going nowhere. To make a relationship from the point of getting the first ‘NO’ is a skill I need to build up. I also realize that I am most envious of gregarious personalities because they are able to create connections where there existed no commonality. Self-improvement, right!
Any tips?
“and” FTW!
Look closely at both the sentences above. Imagine your friend saying these lines to you. Both say essentially the same thing, right? One of the lines though, is more positive than the other. I’ll let you decide which one.
The sentences are the same except for one word – the ‘but’ in the first sentence is replaced by ‘and’ in the second one. While the word ‘and’ engenders hope and possibility, ‘but’ hints to resignation. It speaks volumes about the power of words and the impact of verbalizing effectively that one single word can change the meaning of a sentence.
This is the overarching message of this post and an one of the goals I have set for myself this year.
My mentor in Buddhist faith, the awe-inspiring Daisaku Ikeda, in his New Year’s message refers to Dr. Stella Cornellius(1919-2010), an Australian peace advocate. She was as a specialist mediator and conflict analyst and co-founded with her daughter Helena, the Conflict Resolution Network. One of her favorite messages to guide people who came to her was to replace all the ‘but’s with ‘and’s. Although simple, this little change in wording brought in the possibility of looking at whatever the situation is from the vantage point of being able to win over it. When you do use this in your life, you will see that the words after the ‘and’ will be a constructive solution to the problem at hand.
I intend to try doing this consciously this year till it becomes habit. I hope you give it a shot as well.
Go on, try it!
Questions
What is the point really?
What is it that we’re all doing here?
Is all of life a filler of time?
Is there a point to all the madness here?
In one moment, it seems a big deal –
Everything infuriates you, puts you down.
Makes you go crazy, delirious in fear,
The desperation and hopelessness, it paralyses you.
In another though, it takes you atop the highest peak,
Feeling so blessed, just lucky to be alive,
When the worst words don’t make the slightest dent,
Happiness permeates all of life, making living all too joyous.
The more you look, the foggier it seems,
Is there really a point or are we just going through the motions?
The more you think, it becomes clearer though,
YOU create value in the life you lead.
There’s ways to look at it, half-empty or half-full,
“You’re older now than ever before” or
“You’re younger now than you’ll ever be”
End of the day, all I can say is our perspective is all that matters.
Today, I won.
Lets face it now, most days I don’t win.
In spite of all I do, I let myself down.
Many a day, it feels like a loss,
I feel I failed,
My life feels forced.
Not today, though, not today!
All the faith and words acted out,
All the efforts, the labours of love,
Seem to have taken a form so tangible,
Making me feel oh so capable.
Talking things through, doing my part,
Aiding a friend, smiling from the heart,
Standing in front of a crowd of 200,
Holding my own and owning my self,
Not letting the butterflies overwhelm me.
Its a day I’ll cherish for now,
A day of promise and infinite hope,
A day of “You go girl!” and the will to hike on,
A day I feel like a winner.
A winner I am, by being more ME.
To new beginnings!
I am back here after a really really long time now. In the time I was gone, I went to India and got married to Aditya! It was an absolutely amazing wedding. I doubt if any Indian bride has had so much fun at her own wedding. That done, we came back and have started our lives as husband and wife. Life is pretty damn good. I have joined the NY Zone Byakuren group, a behind the scenes group that supports activities in the New York Culture Center – of the Soka Gakkai International. It is essentially a training group for young women to help them become strong and capable individuals in all spheres of their lives. I am four shifts old and I really look forward to my shifts! I missed a study meeting last week though, bummer! Apart from that, I have PhD applications sent out to a few Universities and am chanting for those to materialize quickly! I have started a course on Coursera and it is a whole lot of work, I am so intimidated by the sheer volume of reading involved! I cannot believe I did 4 times this on a daily basis in Grad School! Hats off to Savini-past!!!
Updates aside, I have been cleaning up my act about being too much of an internet troll and doing productive things everyday and doing a good job of it too. A few minutes ago, Adi told me that I spend too much of my precious time on youtube and even though I had not been, I started doubting if I was doing enough! Seems like it takes very little to push me back into my vast ocean of “I’m not good enough”. This tells me two things. One, I need to chant more and clean up my karma a whole lot more because I am nowhere close to self-confident. Two, it is important to be clear in communicating and appreciating what people do around us. I quote SGI President Daisaku Ikeda, ” Praising others is not pampering them. In a stress-filled society, words that warm the heart are more significant than ever. They sustain and strengthen others, inspiring them to strive toward personal growth”.
It is so important to express gratitude and appreciation for everyone. Thank you for reading! 🙂
With that and lots of love!
Gujjus, Trekking and Para sailing!
9/01/2013
Today was pretty intense and fun. I woke up at 3:15 am to go to Lake George. My friend and her group of friends were going to pick me up at 4 and I was very worried I wouldn’t hear the alarm go off. That is probably why I woke up even before the alarm. They were a bit late and that gave me some time to chant and by 4:40 am, we were all in 2 cars all set to leave. It was a group of 10, every person but me a Gujarati. As is common with all of us, we tend to go off in out mother tongue and forget about the only person who does not understand a thing. After a bit of interrupting conversations and asking them to speak in Hindi, a coffee break, a couple of hours of sleep, we had completed our 3 hour drive to our first stop, Potterville. I was insanely happy about the name though it has nothing to do with the Harry Potter series, which I am quite a big fan of.
Potterville has an underground river and some pretty neat waterfalls. It also is famous for the rocks and massive natural rock bridge. It has some of the oldest rocks in North America, and has the entrance to the largest marble cave. The place is impeccably designed and maintained to have easily trek-able hiking trails, beautifully displayed geological specimen and an ample amount of benches and swings. Below is a picture I clicked of the natural rock bridge.
The best part about road-trips with Indian families is that we carry a whole lot of food, and Gujaratis in particular carry entire meals. One of Viral’s friends had come with his wife and her family. Aunty had made Handwa ( a snack akin to a spicy cake) for everyone and had bought soda, hot tea in flasks and special food for two members of the group that were fasting. So once we were done with the trek, we sat on a picnic bench and devoured all the yum food she had.
Our next stop was Lake George. Viral and I had been wanting to para sail there and we soon found a place to do it. It was so much fun, it has to be the most relaxing of all the adventure sports! The view from atop was breathtaking. I would really love to do this with Aditya one day and then I’m gonna carry a camera up and click photos from up there. We then had some snacks from a restaurant close by and made our way back home by 6 pm. Back home by 10 pm, it was really an amazing day barring the language barrier I faced. Para sailing is amazing, just is!
With that and lots of love!
Because I said so!
8/29/2013
This is post # 7. One whole week of daily blog posts! Yayyyyy! I am so proud of myself right now. It is so important to me because consistency is key to being successful at anything.
A little shout-out to Landmark Education, while I go on about how all this is new to me. I completed my graduate degree from Stanford University in January 2012. I stuck around the Bay Area looking for jobs, finding little success and getting more and more depressed with each passing day. I was feeling like a failure and had pretty much convinced myself that it was impossible for ME to find my dream. This went on for three months and I had firmly established an escape mechanism – a sort-of- addiction to anything related to watching movies or TV shows online, even ones I absolutely did not care for. Somewhere in March of 2012,my fiancee’s sister-in-law, who lives in New Jersey recommended me to a position at the logistics firm she worked at and that came through. I moved to the east coast, found a support system, a job that paid some bills and went to work begrudgingly everyday. It was then that my future in-laws came to attend their son’s commencement from Columbia University. Papa and Maa are the most amazing people you will ever meet and I am so thankful to Aditya for giving me this ever-supportive second set of parents. It was Papa’s suggestion that I do the Landmark Forum. Having reached the peak of helplessness and frustration, I agreed. It wouldn’t do any harm would it? I would recommend it to anyone because it empowers you immensely. Landmark taught that I have the ultimate power in my life. It transformed me and I am an incredibly happier person for it. It also let me open myself up to this Buddhist practice which constantly empowers me to stay calm and focused as I face daily life. It gives me the courage to do what I say. This blog was started after I chanted for an hour and said to myself that I am going to bring into my life, that which I lack the most – CONSISTENCY OF PURPOSE. The only thing I was consistent before was idling away my time.
I end with what I aspire to do. I want to work hard, tirelessly and continuously every single day, I want to always be happy with where I am and I want to be my best person. I want to love and be loved and contribute to Kosen Rufu (world peace through everyone being absolutely happy and reaching their full potential). And I will. You know how I know that? Because I said so!
With that and lots of love,
“Thank you very much” (said like Bhabhi – my sis-in-law who got me this job- says it)
to Bhabhi, for believing,bringing me here and giving me so much acceptance.
An Amazing Day
8/23/2013
I chanted for an hour at night last night. I had the best sleep (after I did some YouTube trolling :P). I woke up at 6.00 am and worked on the ‘explanation of practice’ I was to present at the discussion meeting in the evening. I have breakfast and lunch sponsored by my boss at work on Fridays, so I did not have to cook much; I pretty much kept up with my diet control but for a donut (damn!)
Work was amazing, things that usually take till 5.15 or 5.30 pm, we got done by 4.00pm. My supervisor said this had to be a record for Fridays! I went to the August discussion meeting right after. The meeting was so amazing, the SGI community never fails to inspire me and pull me out of my little funks.
A conversation with Aditya, my fiancee, about the future last weekend had put me into this spiral of beating myself up about not doing enough and not being good enough, that only led to more sulking and doing nothing. It took me till Thursday to send Aditya a text saying that I am really being unproductive and to let him in so he could help me. He talked to me and encouraged me to chant with one of his favorite things to say, ” Our minds can only process so much. Chant when you feel you can’t handle anymore, and things will be clearer”. So I did chant for an hour, determined in my mind that I am going to win over this and I am going to have it all and be happy right now. I emailed my fellow member in my district that I plan to share my success story at the discussion meeting in October, precisely October 18th. I refreshed all my social networking accounts, starting with this one. I started this new blog to motivate me and record my success story. All this as part of my plan to put myself out there more.
I usually am not one to share, bottling things in long enough to make it hurt me and everyone else around. I’ll share those stories another day. This post seems to have gone on long enough for now. I feel like I need more activities on my plate. And as I said to multiple people today, I feel like I need to dance to loud Indian music.
With that and lots of love,
zàijiàn
(that’s goodbye in Chinese, for Mary, who was a bundle of joy and inspiration to me today)
The Reluctant Practitioner 