To new beginnings!

I am back here after a really really long time now. In the time I was gone, I went to India and got married to Aditya! It was an absolutely amazing wedding. I doubt if any Indian bride has had so much fun at her own wedding. That done, we came back and have started our lives as husband and wife. Life is pretty damn good. I have joined the NY Zone Byakuren group, a behind the scenes group that supports activities in the New York Culture Center – of the Soka Gakkai International. It is essentially a training group for young women to help them become strong and capable individuals in all spheres of their lives. I am four shifts old and I really look forward to my shifts! I missed a study meeting last week though, bummer! Apart from that, I have PhD applications sent out to a few Universities and am chanting for those to materialize quickly! I have started a course on Coursera and it is a whole lot of work, I am so intimidated by the sheer volume of reading involved! I cannot believe I did 4 times this on a daily basis in Grad School! Hats off to Savini-past!!!

Updates aside, I have been cleaning up my act about being too much of an internet troll and doing productive things everyday and doing a good job of it too. A few minutes ago, Adi told me that I spend too much of my precious time on youtube and even though I had not been, I started doubting if I was doing enough! Seems like it takes very little to push me back into my vast ocean of “I’m not good enough”. This tells me two things. One, I need to chant more and clean up my karma a whole lot more because I am nowhere close to self-confident. Two, it is important to be clear in communicating and appreciating what people do around us. I quote SGI President Daisaku Ikeda, ” Praising others is not pampering them. In a stress-filled society, words that warm the heart are more significant than ever. They sustain and strengthen others, inspiring them to strive toward personal growth”.

It is so important to express gratitude and appreciation for everyone. Thank you for reading! 🙂

With that and lots of love!

For Aayi

9/7/2013 – 9/11 2013

There are updates to be shared and they’re important; and then there is bad news.

I re-joined dance classes – a Google offer this time. I am not good at all but a Group-on I used earlier this year has had me interested in getting better. I managed my department through one of the worst Mondays in a long time as my supervisor fell ill due to her fast. Aditya made me delicious Panang curry. I have sort of gotten back into chanting alone for an extended time. I survived a bout of ‘lazy-sickness’ pretty well. Just 4 blog posts missed! Phew! 😀

Now for the bad news. I found out that someone very dear to me passed away 10 days ago. She was the house help cum nanny  with my family for about 8 years of my school going days – practically became family – her and her children as well. I spoke to my grandmother who visited her family on the day of her passing and that gave me a bit of relief around it all. She passed peacefully after enjoying her morning cup of tea while surrounded by her entire family.

I do and will always remember  my ‘Janaki Aayi’ (I call her Aayi, her name is Janaki) as one of the most loving, sensitive and generous people I have ever known. I remember  how she once cried in our living room because my kid brother, probably 5 years at the time told her off for picking him up from the bus stop because he wanted to come home on his own. I remember that after she had stopped working for us and was living with her own family, when she heard that my mother had met with an accident, she was home and taking care of us kids, 8 and 12 at the time the very next day. Nobody had even asked her to come. That is the person she was. She stayed on with us for another year while my mother recuperated. While my mother was still in the Intensive Care Unit, my grandmother sengt her a note that just said “Janaki has come”, which my mother still recalls to be her biggest relief – knowing that Aayi was with her kids. While my entire family literally lived in the hospital for weeks, we never missed a school day or a home-cooked meal, thanks to Aayi.

All my love and respects to my beloved Aayi. I will miss you so much and you will forever be in my prayers!

With that and lots of love

Sasneham Ammini (Malayalam ; translation: with love, Ammini)

for Aayi was the only person in the entire world that called me Ammini

The Blah Day!

9/5/2013

The day started off pretty normally, except for that I forgot breakfast and also lunch. Now you see where my office is does not afford me the option of going out and eating, and I forgot to at least carry some fruits or yogurt or something. Thankfully my colleagues have no issues with sharing their food so I did not go hungry. But something even worse happened. Our office was out of coffee, and I had severe caffeine deficiency issues, in other words, I was sleepy a lot! Just 10 minutes ago, I read this – http://www.boredpanda.com/first-world-problems-twitter/ – and writing this, I feel like one of them. Sheesh! I grew up in India, I know bigger problems, ok? 😛

After work though it was one of those days where I just did not want to do anything (cue in the Lazy Song by Bruno Mars). I came watched lots of videos, re-watched a bunch of Starkid Videos, ate a Subway Salad (Go Paleo!!) and pretty much slept! I could have done this yesterday as well but I really did not want to!

Did you know that around Mahavir Jayanti (birth anniversary of Lord Mahavir, the propagator of Jainism), there is a week long fast for Jains, which is practiced in 3 different ways, the most extreme of which is no food at all for 8 days, only boiled water that can be drank only when the sun is up. So, why I got to know all the details this year is because my supervisor is a Jain lady who has not had anything but water since last Sunday evening – that’s  4 whole days! This is kudos to her determination to go through with this in spite of the fact that this has tired her out.

With that and lots of love!

Because I said so!

8/29/2013

This is post # 7. One whole week of daily blog posts! Yayyyyy! I am so proud of myself right now. It is so important to me because consistency is key to being successful at anything.

A little shout-out to Landmark Education, while I go on about how all this is new to me. I completed my graduate degree from Stanford University in January 2012. I stuck around the Bay Area looking for jobs, finding little success and getting more and more depressed with each passing day. I was feeling like a failure and had pretty much convinced myself that it was impossible for ME to find my dream. This went on for three months and I had firmly established an escape mechanism – a sort-of- addiction to anything related to watching movies or TV shows online, even ones I absolutely did not care for. Somewhere in March of 2012,my fiancee’s sister-in-law, who lives in New Jersey recommended me to a position at the logistics firm she worked at and that came through. I moved to the east coast, found a support system, a job that paid some bills and went to work begrudgingly everyday. It was then that my future in-laws came to attend their son’s commencement from Columbia University. Papa and Maa are the most amazing people you will ever meet and I am so thankful to Aditya for giving me this ever-supportive second set of parents. It was Papa’s suggestion that I do the Landmark Forum. Having reached the peak of helplessness and frustration, I agreed. It wouldn’t do any harm would it? I would recommend it to anyone because it empowers you immensely. Landmark taught that I have the ultimate power in my life. It transformed me and I am an incredibly happier person for it. It also let me open myself up to this Buddhist practice which constantly empowers me to stay calm and focused as I face daily life. It gives me the courage to do what I say. This blog was started after I chanted for an hour and said to myself that I am going to bring into my life, that which I lack the most – CONSISTENCY OF PURPOSE.  The only thing I was consistent before was idling away my time.

I end with what I aspire to do. I want  to work hard, tirelessly and continuously every single day, I want to always be happy with where I am and I want to be my best person. I want to love and be loved and contribute to Kosen Rufu (world peace through everyone being absolutely happy and reaching their full potential). And I will. You know how I know that? Because I said so!

With that and lots of love,

“Thank you very much” (said like Bhabhi – my sis-in-law who got me this job- says it)

to Bhabhi, for believing,bringing me here and giving me so much acceptance.

Biggest Vice of Mine

8/22/2013

I am lazy. You will not believe, I am so lazy. I do believe I can be happy staying home and doing nothing for all of my life. My dreams though, do not warrant any laziness. My biggest struggle on a day to day basis is to get over this and prove to myself (and everyone else as well) that I can get my shit done! Instead of coming home from work, watching videos and sleeping till that point in time in the morning where you go ‘ If I do not get up now, I am not getting to work on time’, I have to make myself capable of having the most busy and productive day consistently.

There are a bunch of things I want to do, and I am going to do daily updates here to keep me on track with this

• Wake up on time
• Work out in the morning
• Make breakfast
• Keep up with the diet control
• Work on applications and network in the evenings
• Chant 1 hour in the morning and evening

Check on chanting in the evening today! I am at an hour right now, and have paused to get some work done. Will probably chant for another hour if sleep does not take me too early.